So, once upon a time, there were two strings, and their names were Gabriel and Lucifer. It was a total coincidence.
They've heard stories over time about this amazing bar that serves the best piña colada in the whole frikkin' Universe. The only thing is, the bar supposedly strictly disallows the entry of strings.
One day, the two strings heard that the bar had, in fact, opened their doors to strings from around the world. Overjoyed, Gabriel and Lucifer jumped at this chance. The bar was a little bit far out of town, but the duo decided to head out and collect their piña colada. It was a perilous quest which they barely survived; fighting against demons and angels alike.
When they arrived, however, they were truly dismayed to find that the bar still read, clear as day, 'LOL NO STRINGS NUBZ'
After much deliberation, the duo decide that they should risk entry anyway. Lucifer was a bit of a silver-tongued Devil, but Gabriel was determined to attempt entry first, not wanting his friend to befall any danger.
Gabriel inhales deeply and made his way into the bar. He walked up the the bartender who stood behind the counter and spoke to him; "Peon, i demand your finest piña colada!"
The bartender looked suspiciously at Gabriel before replying. "Are you.. a string?" he asked.
"Well," said Gabriel, "eh.. yes."
At this, the bartender grabbed the string by the scruff of its neck, and threw him, kicking and screaming, into a shredder that he kept behind the desk.
Watching from outside, Lucifer's face went something along the lines of this: O_O
Deciding to not let his friend Gabriel die in vain, Lucifer began thinking furiously. After about 666 days of deliberation, or possibly about fifty less, he finally reached a conclusion.
With great difficulty, Lucifer managed to tie himself in a knot. Afterwards, he frayed his ends. With a crooked grin, Lucifer donned a cowboy hat before kicking open the front doors of the bar. Walking in, the doors swung shut behind him. His hands at his sides where his pistols sat in their holsters, Lucifer walked up the the counter like a badass as everybody in the bar watched him move, and fitting music played very appropriately.
At the counter, he sat up and propped his elbows on the bar. The bartender came over to his demand for piña colada, but eyed him up suspiciously.
"Are.." the bartender began, clearly confused by his get-up. "Are you a string?"
"No," Lucifer replied, a smug grin on his face. "I'm afraid not."
And the Gabriel came back from the dead because he was an angel string and Lucifer shot the bartender and stings around the world rejoiced and they all came in and drank themselves to death via alcohol poisoning, but it was okay because they had fun doing it.
Wait, wait, wait. You missed the punchline, didn't you?
Well, get back up there, sir/madam. And read that damned thing out loud this time. ¬_¬